Carol Vorderman
I love Carol Vorderman.
I've loved her since the 80's when I first got spunk and must have offloaded at least a skipful of my juice over her in the last 20 years.
Well, not actually over her, but you live in hope...
This is my song of love. I hope some day she will respond to my daily emails and we can get married and make clever babies.
Carol Vorderman
Carol's really beautiful and very good at sums
I'd like to put my willy in her noonie or her bum
She always gets the numbers right, she's got me into maths
I'd take away her pants and add my corey to her gash
Oh Carol
When I see you on Countdown
I have to pull my pants down
And pop a finger in my brown
When she multiplies I unzip my flies
Then when she divides I put my hand inside
And then when she adds, pop out my nob and nads
Then when she subtracts I perform a sexual act 
Carol's really glamorous, she wears the latest stuff
She's fit for fortysomething and I want to doink her muff
She tells you the target but it is my goal
To one day divide her flaps and then square root her hole 
Oh Carol
When I see you on Countdown
I have to pull my pants down
And pop a finger in my brown
Oh Carol
When I see you on Countdown
I have to pull my pants down
And pop a finger in my brown
I've loved Carol Vorderman since 1985
I sometimes like to lurk around the bottom of her drive
I sometimes like to follow her when she goes to the shops
I sometimes open up her drains and examine her plops 
I met her once and told her that I was her biggest fan
She signed me an autograph and put it in my hand
But at that point I felt a little throbbing in my gland
I realised I was ejaculating in my pants
Over Carol Vorderman, Carol Vorderman
Carol, Carol, Carol Vorderman
Carol Vorderman, Carol Vorderman
Carol, Carol, Vorder-Vorder-Vorderman
